My Advice? Take Your Own

Many times people come to me for advice about a lot of topics. Whether it's sports, taking chances, public speaking or working with kids. And it's funny but sometimes the best advice you can give to people is not to take other people's advice and to live their own dreams. One of my favorite quotes says "Most of the things in the world were said to be impossible before they were done." I remember in the fall of my senior year at Villanova. My college coach asked us to write down our goals. He wanted our team goals first and then he wanted our individual goals . I don't remember everything that I wrote down. What I do remember writing is that I wanted to be on the All-America Team, which meant I would be one of the top 15 players in the whole country. I also wrote that I wanted to be drafted to the NBA.

For some strange reason the revelation of my individual goals, really pissed my coach off because they were so "lofty." I remember him calling me into his office and he said "John, forget about going to the NBA. Just focus on what you can do as a player here at Villanova. You're not going to get drafted. You'll be better once you get that pressure off of yourself." I recall shaking my head, nodding yes and leaving his office. My goals didn't waiver one bit. I never for a second listened to him. I was not going to "shrink my dreams to fit his reality." I had the best year of my college career as a senior. I didn't make the All-American team, but I did do enough to get in this picture above. I did do enough to win a championship ring and play for the best franchise in the NBA. Unless there is some kind of trick photography here, as you can see I never took his advice.

The same situation happened to me a second time, but I this time I was already prepared for it. I was working for a sports marketing company in Princeton, NJ. It was first real corporate job after my basketball career was over. I really hated it. I was approached by a guy to do some high school basketball games in New York City for a network as an announcer. I approached my boss to ask him could I come into work an hour early so I could leave an hour early for a few days because of the games. I remember he told me "John, I can't let you do this. It's not going to lead to anything. It's not like you're going to end up being on ESPN or something." I again walked out of the meeting shaking my head. I called in sick on the days of the games. I did the games and I loved it. A few weeks later I heard through the grapevine ESPN Regional Television was looking for some guys to do college basketball games. I sent them my tapes. I was doing games in less than two weeks. I quit my job and told my boss I had to go after what I believed in. That led to me doing radio for ISP Sports and the post game report for the Philadelphia 76ers as you can see in the picture above.

These are tough times for our country. Tough times economically. The old saying goes "Tough times don't last, tough people do. You have to be willing to accept that most times people won't believe in you. The important thing is YOU have to believe in YOU!!!

I have tried so many different businesses. Some have worked, some have failed. People have laughed at me. Even my family and friends. But it doesn't matter. You have to keep pushing to go after what you want. If not, you'll just end up miserable. Whether you succeed or fail, it's better to do things the way you want to do them. There's nothing wrong with taking advice from others, but if it doesn't fit into your values or if it seems that the advice may divert you down another path that isn't where you want to go then take it with a grain of salt, nod your head and move on.

It's better to live life by your own rules then to play someone else's game. Believe in you! And when someone says something is impossible, remember the context in which this following quote was said, "That's one small step for man, one huge leap for mankind."

PARKING IN REVERSE

It's funny how sometimes the best lessons in life come from the simple things.  A few weeks ago, I learned something from a small observation that I wanted to share with the masses.  It's weird how life works but if we can take the lessons from small circumstances we can always move onward and upward. 

One evening I was walking to my mailbox and I happened to look across the street at one of my neighbors.  I saw him parking his car in reverse.  He was backing into his parking space.  He seemed to be struggling a little bit and I couldn't help but laugh.  "Why in the hell was he doing that?" I thought to myself.   Why not just pull it in and park like everyone else.  What a fool I thought and then walked on into the house.  

And this is the exact problem with many of us in life.  We fail to see the forest through the trees in many situations.  One quote that stuck with me a while back when I was reading a book entitled "The Four Hour Work Week" stated "Everything popular is wrong."  I've come to find great truth in that statement.  What most of us do usually because we see everyone else doing it is usually not efficient.  If you don't agree then try going to the bank on Thursday afternoon or how about going to the grocery store on a Sunday?  Better yet try hitting the DMV at the end of the month.  

So, the next day after laughing at my neighbor I went to the gym to work out.  Then I saw it again.  I saw a guy parking his Cadillac Escalade into the space backwards.  Out jumped a guy that I had seen at the gym for years.  I had the ultimate respect for this guy.  He appeared to be about 45 years old.  This guy was disciplined.  He always came to the gym every Monday, Wednesday and Friday right about the same time.  Rarely did he miss his scheduled days.  I would see people come and go in the gym.  They would go hard for a few days, then you wouldn't see them again.  Some would come right before the summer beach season only to disappear and grow large during their winter hibernating months.  I was an athlete so I respected discipline and this guy  whom I'm guessing was about 45 years old was in better shape than most in the gym.  He had to know something.  

Why was he parking his car backwards?   I wanted to ask him so bad.  I didn't have the guts.  I just decided that if this guy was in shape and others weren't, if this guy was consistent and others weren't, if this guy park his car backwards and other's weren't, I was going to try it too. 

I drove home and immediately parked my car backwards into the parking space.  I jumped out of my car hoping to hear some championship music or feel some sense of euphoria.  I felt nothing.  I just stared at the car for a moment, shrugged my shoulders and then walked on inside.  

The next day I was running late for a meeting in North Jersey.  I was brushing my teeth and trying to get my tie together at the same time.  I kissed my wife, rushed out the door and then jumped in my car.  It then hit me.  My car was parked in reverse.  I turned it on hit the gas and I was gone.  

The ease of my departure astounded me.  It was like a breath of fresh air, a moment of clarity sent down.  I had already done the hard part before by backing into the parking space.  No longer did I have to back out, look both ways and then take off.  The hard part was over and now I was cruising.  

How many times in life do we put off doing the hard part of some task until later?  How many times do we procrastinate in doing something difficult to just become overwhelmed later when things pile up?  How many times do we put things off until tomorrow not realizing that tomorrow may bring more challenges, more setbacks or possibly an unexpected obstacle?  

I couldn't help but think of Michael Jackson and his untimely passing.  While watching the BET Awards I realized that we had never really honored the king of pop, the greatest entertainer of all time.  We didn't even have a BET award in his name.  Now he was gone.  We could've backed that car into the parking spot a long time ago.  

You see the work always comes first then the success follows.  A favorite quote of mine is "The only place that success comes before work is in the dictionary."   No longer would I laugh at my neighbor.  I now understood the guy at the gym and why he parked his car that way.  

Hopefully now when at all possible, we'll all back our cars into the driveway.  There's no greater feeling than hoping in the car, clicking on the seat belt, putting the car in drive and just cruising to your destination.  Hopefully your destination is success.   

GOOD BLACK MEN

Many times it takes a tragedy to open your eyes to the good things in life.  The good things in life are all around us if only we knew.  I attended a funeral on Monday for my good friend Clinton Stevenson who passed away playing basketball, the game he loved on May 12, 2009.  It was tough on everyone, as Clint was a man of the community.  A "good man" his son Clinton "Man" Stevenson Jr.  said, who did his work in the community, with the youth, many who looked to him as a role model.  

I know Clint was my one of my role models.   Growing up he would come to the gym and win game after game when I was a teenager.   We never quite could beat him and his boys at the open gym in Piscataway, NJ on Monday and Thursday nights.  They would whip us constantly, but whenever we had a big game at the high school I would look up in the stands, see him there, and he would give me that nod or that wink saying "Go get them young fella."  

As I was a pallbearer at his funeral, I sat in the front row with all the other pallbearers and I realized something.  There are a lot of good men out there and I'm tired of hearing that we don't exist.  And I'm tired of hearing it in the black community especially.  This is something I had to say.  

As I looked down the row, I saw black men that I played recreational basketball with every week.  I saw a variety of guys that were the model for good men.  I saw Jabar Jones, who was a real estate agent and a man of the community.  I saw Steve "Tree" Yelity a man who had done so much in the field of education, I saw my man John "Sincere" Nelson a fireman in the city of Plainfield, originally from Brooklyn, who gave us a free CPR class after we loss another good man, Clint to a heart attack.  I saw Asmar Fortney, a man who had graduated from college and was taking care of his fiance and child.   I saw Curtis Bynes, a man who would go broke giving his money out to the community and had done it time and time again.  I saw Joe Dorval, a man who always brought his son to the gym, offered a prayer before we played and held the microphone for a woman at the funeral as she was breaking down, losing her composure while trying to speak.  

I looked around the funeral and saw tons of other good black men who weren't on the streets, who were taking care of business in their lives.   No, I didn't see all the bells and whistles.  There weren't fancy cars pulling up, they're weren't 50 CEO's in the building making $200,000 each a year.  There were no Shaquille O'Neals, Kobe Bryants or Jay-Z's sitting in the audience. But there were policeman, fireman, car mechanics, teachers, youth group workers all scattered around the room.   

My wife had a book club meeting the other day.  All the women came over the house.  They were reading Steve Harvey's book "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man."  And as the women started to arrive I couldn't help but feel nervous because I believed in my heart that the meeting would turn into a male bashing session!  I could've been wrong but in my heart that's what I believed.  So, I tipped on out the door as the woman started to crowd into my home. 

But after Clint's funeral the other day, I'm not sure if I would be nervous the next time, not sure if I would tip toe out the door anymore.  The funeral, because of the turnout, was proof that good black men do exists and we exists in numbers.  I saw it with my own eyes.  I realized that I see it almost every day.  

But we hear the words all the time "Where are the good black men?"  You know what? I can't listen to that anymore.  It's preposterous.  Like Malcolm X said, we've been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run a muck.   It's bullshit.  Can I sit here and say that all men are good? Of course not, but the options are out there.  Where are the women looking?  I don't know. How are the women looking?  I don't know.  But I do know this, they exist.  And sometimes, they may not have on a suit and tie, but their hearts and their souls may be sharp as a tack.  

How do I know this you ask?  Because I walked with six yesterday as we carried one and laid him to rest.  You do the math.  

This is dedicated to Clinton Stevenson, one of the most influential men the City of Plainfield has ever had.  You better get a hand up because the jumper was money.  And you better bring the double team when he was posting up, because the defender was in trouble!  May his soul rest in peace. 

The Introduction

So yesterday, May 7th marked the introduction.  I was in Barnes and Nobles and it hit me.  Why was I gonna buy another book.  I have 162 books in my house right now, 58 of which I still haven't read.  And here I was again about to buy someone else's views again, someone else's opinion yet again.  Not that I have anything against reading or buying a book.  What I'm saying is why not write my own shi*, I mean stuff.  

I stormed out.  Cause you know what?   This is a recession.  And somethings just got to get cut. Did you ever think you could read your way into the poor house?  I know for sure I have spent at least $1000 on books over the past three years.  Are you kidding me?  

So now I am in "Rockn' Joe" a coffee house on Rt. 27 in Kendall Park, NJ to bring my views to the masses.  To try to blow up on the internet.  Why not?  I'm just telling the truth, we all trying to get somewhere.  And what shall we talk about you ask?  "John what will be your angle?" 

I don't know.   And you know what? It's really not important!  Just tune in.  We may rap about sports, we may rap about the government, we my rap about women, men, the plight of African Americans, the inner city school situation, hell who cares!!  Cause you know what, we all got a voice and we all wanna read something.  Sometimes it may be inspiring and sometimes it may be depressing, but that is what life is about.  Take the good with the bad, the ups and the downs, the black and the white.  And the good thing is you don't have to hear my big mouth. You can hit that big X in the corner of your screen if you don't want to read anymore, or if you got an apple computer that red spot in the upper left hand side.  

Yeah that's it, freedom of expression.  And you have the freedom to not read.  But why wouldn't you?  If you don't know me you'll get to know me, cause I feel like I got a lot to say.   Been all over the world so that qualifies me right?  Who cares what you think?  I was asking myself.  I do that from time to time.  I talk to myself.  Cause I know whatever I say, I don't have to worry about a disagreement.  

The newspaper is on the verge of extinction.  Facebook, Linkedin, Myspace, Twitter you get all ya news right there.  Why turn on Channel 2 when I can go right to www.espn.com or www.msn.com or better yet right here and read Celestial Views?  

So that's it ladies and gentleman.  That's the introduction.  It gets better from here.  So much to talk about, so much time to do it.  The average life expectancy for black men is about 70 years old.  http://www.webmd.com/news/20080611/life-expectancy-reaches-new-record. Which means I got about 38 more years to write.  That's a lot of lines, words and experiences to share.  And I'm out!